Tips for Creating the Perfect Online Dating Profile

Face it, as a human one of our basic impulses is to fall in love. But sometimes the question is, how can we do that? What if we do not know where or how to meet a significant other? Here is the answer in two words: online dating. Online dating is simply a method for meeting people and developing relationships. According to Joseph Walther (2011) and the Hyperpersonal Theory, relationships are able to advance faster online (460). Forty million Americans are using online dating services, and with this many people active in the online dating community, people need to be aware of a few good rules that should help them when accessing this service for the first time (Broussard).  Although it may seem weird to develop a relationship with someone you have never met or interacted with before face-to-face, the presence of the partner’s photos or pre-interaction biographies works equivalently well in instilling interpersonal expectations in an online setting (Walther, 2011). With this in mind, I am going to give individuals some advice on creating the perfect online dating profile.

       The first step is to remember that all online dating services are not going to have the same types of people using them. For instance, if you are hoping to develop a relationship with someone with similar interests and you are not religious, it is pretty obvious that you are not going to find your match on ChristianMingle.com. It is important to pick the proper site in order to increase your chances of developing a positive relationship as a result of your profile. You can compare it to going to the bar--different bars attract different types of people, and so do online dating sites. Before you create an account on an online dating site, read numerous profiles on the site, that way it will become more apparent what type of people the site attracts.

Step two is to make sure your profile serves you well. You want your profile to reflect your best self, so invest the time to make it well written and lively. What exactly does a profile do for an online relationship? Well, a profile is the unique, customizable area on an online dating site that contains biographical information about yourself, as well as photographs and details about what qualities and characteristics you are seeking in a potential mate (Shea, 2009). A survey was disseminated which asked, "When looking at someone's online profile, what makes you want to contact them?" The top three turn-ons for men were a great smile, a good sense of humor, and a good figure. For women the top two responses were having a good sense of humor and a similar taste in music, movies, books, etc. Third place was shared with women cherishing strong family values and a great smile (Brody, 2008). When your profile serves you well, people are going to want to initiate a relationship with you for who you truly are.

"A lot of people get really intimidated by the profile process, but when you think about it, when you go out, you get only one chance to make a great first impression. With a profile, you get as many as you want” (Shea, 2008, p.1). She then suggested that new users should break down their profile into four specific areas: the picture, the headline, the username, and the informational paragraph. Casey also suggests that friends should help you create your profile (Shea, 2008). Obviously, they are going to pick the best picture of you and be brutally honest with things that should be included in your introductory paragraph. Receiving input and insight from those that you have a solid relationship with can be very beneficial to creating a great profile.

When looking to start a relationship, most people are curious to know what the other person truly looks like. All pictures that are submitted online should be taken within the last six months, and feature a headshot, and preferably a full body shot. Individuals should avoid pictures with too many props or other people, so there are no distractions. In other words, stay recent and real so there are no unwanted surprises down the road. This may sound familiar after the big debut of the show Catfish on MTV this past winter, where there were many instances of people falling in love with fake online profiles.

The next area of focus is creating the username. Feel free to pick something on the creative side, but do not pick something that could be misinterpreted or could become a distraction. Keeping the username simple, but clever, will avoid giving people the wrong idea of your intentions and avoid any confusion. The username and headline or status line can complement one another. The headline is going to answer a basic question such as “What am I looking for?” The answer to this question should be uplifting, entice people to want to get to know you and create that relationship. Something that could make your profile stand out would be “This week I am looking for a great wine date near Hattiesburg.”

Lastly, we have the description in which you are going to want to create three separate paragraphs. The first paragraph is simply going to be about whom you are and what you like to do. The second paragraph should contain unique things about you, such as a pet peeve or something that will make you different from the next user’s profile. The third paragraph should be about the way you live your life. You can elaborate by explaining anything that you have recently done, or are going to do in the near future (Shea, 2008). The key to the description is being as unique as possible. In this section people are going to get to know the real you. This is your chance to stand out and make people want to take that first step and initiate a relationship with you. One thing to make sure to do in this section is use spell check!

Step three is a simple phrase that we all have been told before, and that is “get to the point.” The goal on an online dating site is that it should take two minutes or less to view photos and read the profile (Shea, 2008). It is important to be brief and be careful about sharing too much.  No one is on an online dating website to read a novel. Having a massive amount of information to sort through can be overwhelming and create a distraction to the reader (Carr, 2011).

Step four, is the last bit of advice I have for you today, and it may aid in writing your description. Somewhere in your profile, tell a personal story. Experts from all over have agreed that the best way to set your profile apart from the others is to tell a story (Broussard). When you are expressing your interests, maybe add why you like to do that activity or hobby. For example, if you enjoy being on the water, mention what brought about your love for the water, or what kind of boat you have and where you like to travel.

If you follow these simple steps, your online dating profile will be nothing short of perfect in no time. If you want a relationship to take off through an online dating website, these four steps are going to insure YOU are the one that is going to draw a viewer’s attention. 

Works Cited

Brody, S. (2008, July 11). Online Personals . In Third Age. Retrieved June 5, 2013, from http://www.thirdage.com/dating/online-personals

Broussard, M. (n.d.). Dating Statistics You Should Know. Retrieved June 5, 2013, from    http://www.match.com/magazine/article/4671/

Carr, N. (2011, June 6). What the Internet is Doing to Our Brains. The Shallows, 1-16.

Shea, E. J. (2009, September 28). Tips for Successful Online Dating . In Oprah. Retrieved June    5, 2013, from http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Tips-for-Successful-Online-Dating

Walther, J. B. (2011, August 26). Theories of Computer Mediated Communication and     Interpersonal Relations. Interpersonal Communication, 443-479.

LinkedIn: The Professional Networking Site

           LinkedIn isn’t your typical social media-networking site; it is a professional networking site connecting over 200 million users in 200 countries making it the world’s largest professional network on the Internet. The ultimate mission of LinkedIn is to connect the world's professionals to make them more productive and successful. It encourages and promotes multiple connections between all different types of users. While some may be looking for their next star candidate for a new job position, others are working on getting their foot in the door to begin their professional career. To the person unfamiliar with LinkedIn, you may be wondering how exactly the global website functions.

            Let’s time travel back to the year of 2003 when the global professional networking site was first launched. Member signup was slow, but by 2004 the site had reached 500,000 users. Over the next few years LinkedIn continued to grow with the launch of public profiles and new features such as recommendations and people you may know. In 2008 the company decided to go global, establishing its first international office in London while also adding two new language versions, Spanish and French. By 2010, LinkedIn had reached 90 million members and nearly 1000 employees in 10 offices around the world. This year, LinkedIn celebrates its tenth year anniversary and is currently growing at more than 2 members per second appealing to a variety of users by offering 19 different languages.

           In today’s society, social media has enabled people from all around the world to connect online with one another. It allows complete strangers the chance to meet in the simplest way. Our fast-paced society seems to be turning online communication into the new face-to-face communication. Giving that it is a lot faster then flying half way across the country to meet a new potential employee? If you are a recent college graduate, joining LinkedIn if you haven’t already, would be a smart idea in order to create your own personal online presence. Living in the digital era having an online presence is becoming a must and it’s a good way to get ahead in today’s competitive job industry by getting yourself out there.

           Oddly enough, almost half of all current college students have never used LinkedIn. A recent study conducted by Millennial Branding and AfterCollege found that college students are avoiding using LinkedIn with a whopping 46% of students that have never once used the site (TheDailyPress). Even for those students use LinkedIn report that it is still not a priority when it comes to searching for a job. Students are experienced with social media, just not with LinkedIn. According to ReadWrite.com, widely respected tech blog, when searching for a job, current students focus their efforts, in order, on:

 1. Employer's Web site (70%),

2. Contact within the company (65%)

3. School career fair (61%)

4. Online job listings site (58%)

5. Social networking - including LinkedIn (26%)

            LinkedIn can help you find jobs as soon as you graduate from college. However, college students continue to spend very little time on this professional social networking website compared to the amount of time on Facebook and Twitter. A statistic generated by   Bullhorn Reach, social recruiting software, revealed that 48% of job recruiters are using LinkedIn exclusively. Although 21% are apart of all three major social networks (Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn) only 1% are using the other two social media sites exclusively (International Business Times). Now is the time for college students to create their profiles on LinkedIn and begin networking. The earlier you prepare yourself, the better the chances are at staying ahead of your competition when it comes to landing a job.

           What are the features of LinkedIn? One new addition that LinkedIn recently added within the last week consists of a “who viewed your profile” feature, which most social networks stray away from. This feature enables users the ability to expand their network connections by knowing who is looking at their profile information. It’s a way to see who is interested in what you have to offer, and the more views your page is receiving, the more reason to believe that you must be doing something right. LinkedIn also recently added new visual portfolios, which allows users the ability to showcase their unique story using compelling images, videos, presentations and so forth. A photographer may put forth their most stunning image ever captured. A film director may post their greatest film ever produced. LinkedIn gives users the ability to put together different aspects of their life into different formats and mold it together portraying their strengths and achievements.

          To access the endless amount of features of LinkedIn, one must first sign up. It is completely free unless you choose the paid upgraded account that offers a few extra features. After a new membership is obtained you are now free to create your professional profile, “professional” being the key word. LinkedIn is not to be confused with Facebook or your professional profile might as well be deemed unprofessional. LinkedIn is mainly designed for business and professional networking and offers a profile and options that enable you to network in a business sense. Facebook, alternatively, is designed more in a way that enables the user to connect with family and friends. LinkedIn actually prefers to be called ‘professional network’ as opposed to a ‘social network’ such as Facebook or Twitter. Your LinkedIn can be understood as your online business card, resume, and letters of recommendation all in one profile click. It reads like a professional resume with the focus on employment and education as opposed to your favorite movie to watch or book to read.

          Why should you use LinkedIn? First, LinkedIn is easy to find on Google, and when potential job employers search your name it will likely be the first site to pop up. Secondly, it makes connecting with people easy. What is easier than making connections with potential employers while simply sitting at your home behind a computer screen? Third, it offers detailed information into businesses that you may be interested in working for. The great thing is that while you can learn about a variety of businesses, LinkedIn returns the favor allowing businesses the ability learn about you and your unique abilities.

           LinkedIn offers an innovative networking approach and a whole new meaning of the word “connection.” In the world of LinkedIn a connection is a person that you already know or are interested in knowing more about. One must understand that a connection on LinkedIn is different than a friend on Facebook or a follower on Twitter. Connections show that you know the person well or that they are a trusted business contact. Gaining access to your connections’ connections is when the real networking power of LinkedIn begins to be unleashed. One of the misconceptions surrounding LinkedIn is that it’s only for individuals looking for a job opportunity. Graduating students are encouraged to create accounts, but students often have not heard of LinkedIn or they assume that it is designed for people in their mid-career (Skeels & Grudin, 2009). However, LinkedIn is not just beneficial for job seekers or mid-career individuals, it is also useful for recruiters, consultants and vendors. Some older employees use LinkedIn for recruiting or finding vendors, or to learn more about people they have already met or plan to meet. Many Fortune 500 companies find LinkedIn very useful. In fact, according to LinkedIn’s website, there are 2.8 million companies that have a LinkedIn page.       

           With that being said, those who spend a lot of time updating and revamping their Facebook profile to showcase their desired self to their friends should look into putting the same effort towards their LinkedIn profile. The importance of networking is drilled into the heads of all college students. LinkedIn makes the word networking sound more approachable. Think of LinkedIn as a lifelong journey into the world of new connections and endless opportunities at the click of a mouse and a scroll down a page.

Skeels, M. M., & Grudin, J. (2009). When Social Networks Cross Boundaries: A Case

          Study of Workplace Use of Facebook and LinkedIn. Associations for Computing

          Machinery. Retrieved from http://http://research.microsoft.com/en-

          us/UM/People/jgrudin/publications/newwave/SocialNetworking2009.pdf

Choi, G. (2013, April 30). The daily free press. Retrieved from

         http://dailyfreepress.com/2013/04/30/many-students-still-not-using-

         linkedin-survey-finds

Eadicicco, L. (2012, February 13). LinkedIn vs. Facebook: Which Attracts More Job

        Recruiters? . International Business Times. Retrieved June 4, 2013, from

        www.ibtimes.com/linkedin-vs-facebook-which-attracts-more-job- recruiters-

        409938

Hall, B. (2013, April 23). Why Aren't College Students Using LinkedIn To Find Jobs?

        ReadWrite. Retrieved June 4, 2013, from readwrite.com/2013/04/23/why-

       arent-college-students-using- linkedin-to-find-jobs

About Us | LinkedIn. (n.d.). Retrieved June 4, 2013, from 

           http://www.linkedin.com/about-us

Relationships Built Through Online Gaming

                                                    Build It One Way Or The Other

             People worldwide are becoming addicted.  The disease is like no other. It infiltrates households, destroys relationships, and changes characters and personalities.  It can also develop healthy, enjoyable, interactive, and long lasting relationships.  The hosts it chooses have no immunity once it’s in their systems.  As with any addiction, it needs continual feeding.  So it constantly attacks the nervous system producing a kind of anxiety that just can’t wait.  It’s true, online gaming can build relationships one way or the other.  So if you’re addicted, why not come out with something tangible. Whether it is fantasy sports such as football, basketball, or baseball, it can become addictive. Other gaming types at times can produce a more serious addiction.  Games like “World of Warcraft,” “Call of Duty,” and online gambling are games that are not seasonal; they can be accessed and are available at all times.  With the onset of Xbox live, gamers playing compatible games can connect worldwide.  During this worldwide connection a relationship (virtual of course) can develop.  So you ask, what does addiction have to do with building relations through online gaming?    

Online Gaming can be addictive, but it can also produce positive, productive, healthy relationships.  People can network; friends, and families, can play together.  Anthony Rotolo, a professor at Syracuse University who studies social networking, said in an article written in Men’s Health magazine (2012) that “he has friends whose long term relations began through playing together online.”  Think about it this, every person that consumes alcohol is not an alcoholic, but many business deals have been made during happy hour.  Families can get together and play games, as well as exercise together.  They can create separate profiles, and use them to track, and compete against each other.  Families can have their own Olympics!  Online gaming can be beneficial in fight to maintain family time.      

Online gaming can develop other competitive, healthy relationships as well.  Let’s take fantasy football for example and mainly because it can be considered seasonal, is a game that invites friendly competition.  It can enhance previous relationships as well as introduce new relationships in the process. Other gaming activities can do the same but for this blog, fantasy football will be used.  For instance, you can get four people together and start a league.  If those four each ask two other people to join that do not have a relationship with the initial four, the networking process has begun.  It can start earlier just with league rules and setup but it generally kicks off (no pun intended) with the draft process.  Team owners began vying for players, strategizing for picks, and communicating for trade and waiver position.  When the season starts, personal numbers, email addresses, and the like are exchanged.  People begin bonding with others through gaming.  Week in and week out you are communicating with divisional rivals and others outside your division.  The friend of your friend has now become a friend of yours.  You may be visiting a new city and need information as simple as directions to a good restaurant, your online gaming experience has helped you develop a new relationship with someone in the area who will not only direct you but will meet at the restaurant.  Employment almost always somehow comes up.  Someone in your league may be out of a job when others may have information about job openings and freely pass it along.  It’s that friend of your friend, which has now become a friend of yours through online gaming.  When the season ends, some leagues get together for what some may deem their “Superbowl party” where they place the league champion’s name on a plaque and present it to him.  People travel from all over the United States for this relationship building event discovered through online gaming.       

There is another side to this phenomenal relationship building process.  John Sutter of CNN (2012) reported that South Korea may possibly be leading the way in the identification and treatment of gaming and internet addiction.  He states that “after wiring the nation with the world’s fastest broadband infrastructure, South Korea’s government spends millions per year to identify and treat gaming and internet addicts.” 

To treat this addiction, South Korea has now instituted what they call the “Cinderella law.”  This law blocks those under the age of 16 from accessing gaming sites after midnight, but what does it do for others?  How does this help those already infected with

such a debilitating disease, those that are older?  The addiction is being treated like other addictions.  In South Korea, this gaming addiction is recognized as a disease in need of treatment.         

CNN’s (2012) feature on “Gaming Reality” allowed Dr. Han Doug-Hyun, a physician on staff at Chung-Ang University Hospital in Seoul, South Korea, the opportunity to identify a “top 5” list of warning signs for this addiction.  The first sign listed is a disruption in regular life patterns.  He contends that if a person plays games all night long and sleeps in the daytime, this can be a warning to seek professional help.  His second contention is the loss of job or frequent school absenteeism due to gaming.  His third sign is the need to play longer.  He calls this the “bigger fix,” it’s the idea that you need more time to duplicate that initial thrill, but you never can, you’re always chasing it.  The fourth sign is that of withdrawal; Dr. Han suggests that some gaming addicts become irritable or anxious when they disconnect.  Finally, the continual craving that those addicted to gaming experience is the fifth sign listed by Han.  All these seem similar to other types of addictions including drug, alcohol, gambling and sex addicts. 

So how are these relationships developed?  How can we effectively use this online gaming medium for building other healthy relations?  The process of rehabilitation is one way to help addicted gamers build healthy, new, productive, relationships.  With many recovering addicts positive relationships occur through different types of support groups.  Let’s not forget that some online gambling is considered online gaming.  

 As of today the United States does not recognize Internet gaming as an addiction.  The Entertainment Software Association (ESA) found that 68% of United States (U.S.) households are playing video games (ESA, 2009).  Science Daily reported Studies done by Iowa State University found that 8.5 percent of gamers between the ages of 8 and 18 are clinically addicted (Science Daily2009).  However, the addiction is not listed in the official Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.  The term “Internet Use Disorder” has been proposed by the American Psychiatric Institute as a possible listing worthy of endorsement (look out for the term “pathological gamers”).  These addictions require treatment and support groups such as Online Gamers Anonymous.  The groups have developed recovery systems just for online gaming addicts.  Like other addictions OGA’s recovery process includes twelve step programs. They also provide access to a 24 hour online chat for additional support.  These groups, developed through treatment, provide several options for success through relationships.  “Warcraft Widows,” an online support group, was developed in 2005 for those whose partners play a popular online game, “World of Warcraft” (over 10 million players; Gamasutra.com, 2008). The purpose of this group, which boasts 4000 members, is to “provide solace to all those ignored loved ones” whose partners’ play the popular online game, “World of Warcraft” (DeMarco, 2006).  In other words gaming can become addictive and destroy relationships with friends and loved ones while building unhealthy relations with other gamers.  From this addiction new relations can be built with other addicted gamers that may someday turn into healthy relationships.  You can build these new relationships through the rehabilitation process.  The support groups available have the same goal in mind as with many other treatment groups and that is to build supportive relationships capable of helping addicts succeed with recovery.  

Gamers have choices, and with those choices come consequences.  Some choices end with gamers sitting in a circle waiting their turn to introduce themselves to new found friends saying “Hi my name is Such and Such and I’m an addict.”  Other choices allow gamers to monitor their online gaming experience, maintain that happy medium, show some restraint, and develop positive relationships, while enhancing the family environment through gaming without losing their job, their home, a spouse or their life.  Families can have a game night, playing "Wii Fit," or "Wii Olympics".  Friends across the country can enjoy competitive relationships with online gaming.  Either way, the relationships that can be developed may be well worth the time.         

 
Sources:

www.cnn.com/2012/08/05/tech/.../gaming-addiction-warning-sign.

www.theesa.com/facts/gameplayer.asp‎

www.gamasutra.com/view/.../gamasutras_top_20_trends_of_2008.

http://www.nova.edu/ssss/QR/QR17/hertlein.pdf

The Qualitative Report 2012 Volume 17, Article 15, 1-48

http://www.recovery.org/topics/about-the-online-gamers-anonymous-12-step-recovery-program/

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/04/090420103547.htm

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Online Job Searching: Advantages and How To

Because finding a job is becoming more difficult in our ever-changing economy, many people have rerouted their job searching techniques. Going out and looking for a job can be an extremely stressful task. Searching takes time, energy, and hard work. There are numerous websites that job seekers can use to view new job openings in their geographical area and area of work to relieve some of that stress. Many websites allow job seekers to post their résumé, make accessible profiles, and network with as many people as possible.

            Since the Internet’s popularity is rising daily, people are becoming aware of the advantages of having everything at their fingertips. This can be related to our topic job searching. Both job seekers and the human resource professionals searching for qualified applicants are beginning to use the Internet in their search.  An article in The Hawaii International Conference (Dafoulas, Nikolaou, Turega, 2003) states, “The Internet offers a perfect environment for job seekers and companies searching for hard-to-find employees.” Even though online job searching can be quite convenient, it may not be the most realistic medium for some job seekers.  

            I am going to outline some advantages of searching for a job using the Internet and provide a “how-to” so you are successful in your search.

Advantages:

1.    Convenience. There’s no denying the convenience of using the Internet to find a new job. There are no slacks to put on, no red lights to go through, and no “first impression” to prepare for. By using the Internet to search for jobs, you are not required to do anything but search.

2.    Saving Money. Instead of driving all over town or even out of state to make a contact for a new job, you are able to do that from a computer. Traveling expenses are rapidly increasing due to gas prices. By using the Internet for your search, you are eliminating that unnecessary cost.

3.   Multiple Employers. Human resource professionals are becoming aware of the great amounts of people using the Internet to secure a new job. Therefore, many more employers are posting their open positions on career sites.

To begin an online job search, there are a few things you will need to do so that you are fully prepared for the long process.  Because there will be no face-to-face contact between you and the potential employers, you will need to be extremely dedicated and ready to work. This process is quite difficult, so organization is a much-needed personal trait that should be adopted. Being organized maximizes your chances of hearing back from the employers. To help with organization, create electronic resumes and cover letters for the employer’s convenience. Many employers are beginning to request them electronically so that they can be scanned for key words like “responsible for.”  Because there are so many unemployed people, there will have to be something that sets you apart from others. This may mean customizing your resume and cover letter with each separate application. This is where your organization is most important. Should you get a call back from a job posting, you want to be able to pull up the correct resume and cover letter for that position.

Since nearly all employers request that an application be filled out online, it is beneficial to save all of your information to your computer. It is also smart to use some of the online tools that are free to viewers. The online tools may include e-mail, profile type websites such as: LinkedIn, Google Plus, blogs, and even social media sites. After you have updated your cover letter and resume, it is time to begin searching. You may find it helpful to search using some of the most popular job sites like Monster.com, Careerbuilder.com, Craigslist.org, and many more. While using those sites, you can narrow your search by geographical area, job type, job name, compensation, and experience requirements. Most of those things would not be discussed until a second or third interview with the employer. No matter what site you choose to use, make sure you’re checking it daily. Employers update their posts quite frequently due to their need of quickly filling open positions.

Originally you used Facebook for keeping in contact with friends and family, and now, it can be used for networking and making lasting impressions. Although your Facebook is now limited to what you post, making sure it is professional and acceptable by employers it could be worth a potential position. This may not be the case for everyone but, your profile may need a major revamp. By increasing your presence online, you will attract more attention, especially if you are involved in discussions about your related field. You can gain more online presence by becoming part of LinkedIn. LinkedIn can be useful in many ways: keeping up with the employers current events, checking job openings, networking with people of potential employers, becoming familiar with professional speaking and “lingo.” If you become familiar with the company and their issues, you will highly impress them in the event of an interview.

If you are struggling with the amount of time it is taking to prepare for an online job search, try using websites that are designated to job search organization. These free sites like JibberJobber.com, allow you to store all of your information in one place so you feel less overwhelmed. So, for every job that you are applying for, you can store all of the necessary information pertaining to it. If you are involved in these types of sites, it is obvious to employers that you are actively searching for work and shows dedication. If you’re going to use the Internet for job searching, why not get the most out of it, right? 

Now that you have the basics of preparing your information and how to get involved in the World Wide Web for your career search, I am hopeful that you quickly find the job you have been waiting for. The process is long, yes. But the benefits of searching in this particular way are reasonable and less stressful. If all of the steps I have listed are followed correctly, you stay organized, and if you stay patient, you will succeed.

Source

Georgios A. Dafoulas,Athanasios N. Nikolaou, Mike Turega. (2003). E-services in the Internet Job Market . Hawaii International Conference on System Sciences, 36, Retrieved from http://origin-www.computer.org.logon.lynx.lib.usm.edu/csdl/proceedings/hicss/2003/1874/03/187430075b.pdf

Going the Distance for Love Without Leaving Your room

            Love can be so much more than an emotion.  It can be a choice.  Love can be one choice you can make everyday among your many decisions throughout life.  You choose to love people.  You choose the people you invest your time in, and you choose the people you share your life with.  What if the person you choose to love or get to know does not live in the same area as you.  Maybe you met on a business trip, a weekend out of town, or maybe they were just passing through, but you felt an interest, a connection, chemistry.  Not knowing if they feel the same way you go crazy thinking about the person because the only thing they really left you with was their name.  

            This story might end sadly if we were born a century ago, but thanks to the 21^st century and the business of life, technology has made a way for us to connect with people around the world.  Maintaining a relationship is hard work if you want to continue the relationship in a positive way.  Imagine how hard it be would be to get to know someone in a different state and try to become romantically involved.  What would a relationship be like if you had to wait in anticipation to receive a letter in the mail.  Technology has made a way where you can get a fast response from someone through email of a text message.  Now technology is not only limited to fast e-mails or text messaging, but now we have access to video chats like Skype that was created in 2003 and Facetime that was currently created in 2010.  According to research done by Tonkin (2010) in her article “Getting Hyper-personal,” she goes through the limitations of maintaining a healthy relationship online and the main difference between online relationships and face to face relationships.  The challenging thing about maintaining a relationship online is the non-linguistic cues are missing, but Tonkin goes on to explain in her article that having non-linguistic cues missing are not necessarily a bad thing.  “People who have relationships online must simply be more creative and add elements of fantasy and play to the messages being sent’’.  Online you only have the perception of what someone wrote down and they begin to form an idealized version of themselves.  All throughout her article she refers to the lack of face to face interaction being ok for initiating a relationship, but can eventually cause problems when wanting to have a more intimate relationship. Technology has made a way for that face-to-face interaction making it possible to read peoples nonverbal cues while communicating with them.  Now you can connect face to face with someone who lives in a different state or half way around the world without even leaving your room. 

Computer Mediated Communication (CMC) has made a way through video camera focused websites and live streaming to connect with people.  CMC is simply explained by any type on communication you do online to connect with people.  Skype and Facetime are examples of wonderful ways to connect with people and staying connected, however, it still does not replace the feelings you would have if your loved one was physical in the room.  There is no hug, no touch, or form of a warm embrace, only a sweet face staring at you through a glass screen.  I will go through three steps using the social penetration theory to prove how technology can be an aid to getting to know someone on an intimate level.  I found an interesting statistic in Stephnie Tom Tong’s work focused on technology tools aiding intimate relationships.  She found that couples in long distance relationships and who use CMC to stay in touch with their partner reported greater degrees of love and intimacy than those who were in long distance relationships without CMC.  Studies have shown that couples that use CMC have greater communication in their relationships.

            The social penetration theory shows how interpersonal communication moves from non-intimate outer levels to more intimate deeper levels while developing a relationship.  It can be easily explained using the Onion Analogy determining the breadth and depth of the relationship and each other’s personalities. Personality is like a multi-layered onion with public self on the outer layer and private self at the core. As time passes and intimacy grows, the layers of one's personality begin to unfold to reveal the core of the person. When communication penetrates the inner core of the onion, the degree of intimacy or the depth increases when the individual shares more about their life.

            The first stage of the social penetration theory is the Orientation stage where a person engages in small talk with another individual to see if they even want to move on with a relationship.  The second stage of social penetration theory is the exploratory affective stage where the individuals start to reveal a little about themselves like expressing their personal attitudes and modern everyday topics.  What does this have to do with Computer communication?  Well Facebook is good way to start these first two stages.  You can engage in small talk by adding a new friend and sending a short message with your request.  If the person accepts your friend request you can begin to view their profile to find common interest to talk about.  Facebook is like most social media websites.  You only put what you want others to perceive about yourself online like events and pictures about your life to let friends and others know what is going on in your life.  However, more communication must be involved other then just small talk to get the ending result of being in a romantic relationship. 

            The third stage of social penetration theory is the Affective stage were a couple begins to talk about personal and private matters, and maybe even give some criticism to their partner.  Once a relationship has reached this stage Facebook and social media sites might not be the best things to communicate clearly on what the other person means especially when giving criticism to their partner.  Miscommunication is more likely to occur not being able to hear one’s tone of voice.  It also occurs when one cannot view the other’s facial expression when giving criticism. Now technology has come out with a live video feed where you can communicate with people face to face online at no cost.  This is where relationships can become intimate where you become more real to the other person on the other side of the screen.  They can actually see their friend of loved one making communication easy for when a couple is far apart or not with each other. 

            Video webcams has changed the way we communicate and allow us to connect with more people on a deeper level around the world.  Facetime and Skype has been around since 2010 and more and more people are buying into it.  Skype is a free website you can get on any computer.  Facetime is free for anyone who owns an updated Apple product starting with the Ipad 2 allowing you to connect with other Apple users through the IPhone, IPad, and the IPod Touch.  Skype is the more accessible product for none Apple users and you can video call people as long as they have e-mail and a webcam.  These products allow couples to move into the forth stage of the social penetration theory, called the stable stage.  This stage makes the couple more comfortable to express deep and personal thoughts with one another and discover similar values and beliefs allowing the person to almost predict the emotional reactions of the other person.  This stage is where any couple hopes to stay with their partner to have a stable relationship where both partners benefit from one another.  This can be the deepest expression of intimacy that can be expressed with words and allows people to really get to know each other through technology.  Video websites allow people to expand their options when it comes to who they choose to love no matter where they’re from or where their going.  However, like all relationships in will take effort from both partners to make time to communicate on a daily of weekly basis to keep the other person updated with their life. 

            So back to my scenario from the beginning of the blog, when the person was left with a name all they have to do through technology is type in their name on a social media site like Facebook and pray that the person their looking up is updated with the 21^st century.  From there you can send a request and engage in small talk.  If you see that you have common interest in one another you can now take a chance and have a Skype of Facetime date is see if the two of you can really hit it off.  So many wonderful things can come from engaging in these sites and it can set a firm foundation on getting to know someone or maintain a long distance relationship. 

             Source

Tonkin, S. (2010). Getting Hyper- personal. Global Media Journal: Australian Edition; Vol 4, Issue 1, p 1-9, 9p.  

Tong, S. and Walther J. Computer- Mediated Communication in Personal Relationships. Peter Lang. Relational Maintenance and CMC. Ch. 6, p 100-102.